5 secrets to keeping a long-term relationship fresh and vibrant

What is the most important thing in your life? After giving it some thought, you'll probably agree that the most important thing in life is the feeling of love inside and around you. If you feel the flow of love in your life, you have a springboard to miracles under your feet with every step. If you don't feel the flow of love, you could be a billionaire and feel like a pauper. Without love, you could be a movie star and not be able to look at your face in the mirror.

We know this firsthand because several thousand couples have come through our office doors over the past 20 years. All of them were seeking to restore the flow of love between them. A few of them were billionaires and movie stars you'd recognize. All of them had problems you'd recognize. They are the same problems we've faced in our own marriage. They are the exact problems that you and everyone else will face in a committed relationship. On the surface, the problems revolve around specific issues:

How can you end blame and criticism?

How can you stop arguing about money?

How can you keep passion and romance alive over time?

How can you agree on how to parent the kids?

Beneath those specific issues, though, are bigger questions that everyone must answer:

How can you thrive in a long-term relationship as a creative individual and as an intimate partner?

How can you use the inevitable challenges of a long-term relationship as a springboard to greater closeness and creative vitality?

How can you ignite passion and vitality--and keep it glowing forever?

These were the questions we had to answer in our own marriage, and they were the questions that inspired much of our work in the decade after our book, Conscious Loving, was published. Since 1990, we have worked with many people in long-term relationships: 2,000 couples in private sessions, groups, and seminars. These relationships ranged from 7 to 52 years in length, with an average length of 12 years, were mostly heterosexual, and were racially and ethnically diverse. We were interested in discovering what saps the vitality from long-term relationships and what can make the vitality surge again. We were especially interested in finding out what people could do to prevent vitality from decreasing in the first place. Here is the essence of what we learned.

How to Hint for a Kiss from a Guy

1. Look Approachable. If you put him at ease and let him know you enjoy being with him, he'll usually find the courage to try to kiss you.
2. Break the "touch barrier." Touch him lightly on the arm or shoulder when you're talking. Just make it a quick, innocent touch and don't make a big deal out of it. Holding hands is also a good way to break the touch barrier. The simple act of touching can strengthen the intimacy between you and him. Sometimes a guy will break the touch barrier, and if you're comfortable with him doing so, touch him back. But don't wait for a guy to make the first move here, because girls can generally get away with breaking the touch barrier earlier in a relationship than guys can. Also another good way of breaking the touch barrier is to "compare hand sizes" then smile and lace your fingers for a moment. This is a cute way to "break the barrier.
3. Look at his lips. When you're alone with a guy and want to be kissed, make eye contact and then move your gaze briefly down to his lips. Then move your eyes back up to meet his and smile demurely. You don't have to be really obvious about it. Many guys will take the hint, especially if they've read one of the many articles that lists this as a sign that a girl wants to be kissed. If it doesn't work the first time, try again when the time is right.
4. Move in. You have to be close to each other to kiss, and the less distance a guy has to travel to kiss you, the easier it is for him to give it a try. So get close. When the moment seems right, put your face close to his and look at him expectantly. If you're brave, you could try moving in as though you're going to kiss him. Hopefully he'll take the hint and kiss you, but if he doesn't you can give him a playful little kiss on the cheek.
5. Talk about it. If the guy isn't taking your subtle hints, bring up kissing in conversation. For example, if you're watching a movie together and see an on-screen kiss, mention that it's "so romantic" or something to that effect. If the guy is really shy, you might just want to put it on the line and tell him that you'd like him to kiss you.
6. Kiss him. There's no law that says the guy has to initiate the kiss, and some guys--especially if they've never kissed a girl before--just won't take your hints. If you want to kiss him, just go ahead and do it.

Unhealthy relationships

We've all known someone who's been unhappy with their romantic relationship. Yet they stay rooted, glued to the status quo despite feeling miserable. Reasons can range from guilt and fear to family or financial commitments.

But there might be an even more compelling reason for leaving than simple ennui — your health.

Two recent studies on relationships and health have shown that sticking it out in an unhappy union can actually make you sick. The effects on your wellbeing can range from general, persistent poor health right through to serious medical conditions such as heart disease.