Why You Are Not In The Mood For Sex

Your life is moving on pretty fine. A good marriage with children to crown it, a good career and good health. But something is amiss somewhere, your sex drive. You can fondly recall your once vibrant sex drive. However, of late, your libido is no longer there. It has simply disappeared without trace, not even the latest sexy moves can locate it. You are not alone as a good number of women suffer from an under active sexual disorder which makes them not to be in the mood for sex. It is ironical but using hormone based contraceptives can actually lower your libido. The very same pills that are supposed to give you a license and leeway of romping as you please. However they make you feel not in the mood for sex. These are birth control contraceptives like pills, rings, patches and injections. They actually lower testosterone levels and for some women this depresses and lowers their libido.

It might be possible you are stressed. There is nothing that depresses libido better than stress. Combining your career, your family and your private life is an uphill task. You are literally juggling through a maze and in due time you will be lost. Trying to beat deadlines while at the same time being there for your family is a delicate balancing act. It only ends up giving you stress. You become overwhelmed by your multitasking skills. This multitasking works to your advantage but takes a heavy toil on your sex life. In your efforts to reduce the workload on your items list, sex is often the first to be scrapped. Most women spend a hectic day in their jobs, cook, feed and put the kids to bed after work. Do the dishes and make lunch for the following day. Sex is the last thing on their mind. They are not in the mood for sex. They are long asleep the moment they hit the pillow.

Lack of enough sleep disrupts and interferes with sex hormones namely progesterone and estrogen. However more important to be noted is that lack of enough sleep makes you quite irritable for sex. You are simply not in the mood for sex. You feel you need enough time to catch up on your sleep. Grogginess leads to irritability. It becomes worse if its your partner's rattling snore that is robbing snooze time out of you. You will be more inclined to smother him with a pillow than with a kiss. Your mates bad sleeping habits might make you to sleep elsewhere. It is quite difficult to maintain intimacy in such conditions. It justifies why you are not in the mood for sex.

How to Hug

1. Approach the person. Depending on the person's relationship to you, you might want to approach differently:
   • Family Hug: Approach kindly, but not too emotionally.
   • Friend Hug (girls): Approach caringly, sometimes humorously, and smile.
   • Friend Hug (guys): Approach quickly, usually not looking them in the eye.
   • Crush Hug: Approach carefully, but do not seem shy. Smile slightly and perhaps say a caring word or two.
   • Lover Hug: It doesn't matter who starts this; either can make it just as romantic. When approaching, put your hands on their shoulders and look them in the eyes. Say you love them, how much you care for them, and how much you are loving every second with them. Then fall into each other and hug with all your heart.
   
2. Embrace.
   • Family Hug: You can keep talking when hugging; it will not ruin the momentum. Where you place your hands is not important; the hugged won't think it over too much. Press gently; it is not necessary to have head-contact. Stroke your hands quickly across the top of the hugged's back. Smile when letting go.
   • Friend Hug (girls): Close your eyes and think about how much you love your friend when hugging. Press as much as you feel like. (But don't squish!) Do not clap the hugged on the shoulders or such; its too masculine and some girls think you don't like them if you do it the guys' way.
   • Friend Hug (guys): Embrace strongly, and clap each other on the top of your backs. If it's an emotional moment, keep in the hugged position for a brief moment and do not clap each other's backs.
   • Crush Hug: Press the hugged warmly towards you. If you are a man, remember that it is more masculine and more protective to fold your arms under hers. Her arms should be around your neck, and you should be embracing her around the waist. When pressing her against you, you can lift her up a bit, pressing her chest and upper stomach against yours. Keep it in that position for a while, and then let go. Look her in the eyes when you separate and continue the conversation naturally.
   • Lover Hug: 1) Males: Carefully sliding your hands down from her shoulders, put them on her waist and slide them around her lower back. Put your head on her shoulder and press her towards you for as long as you like. If you want to, you can give her a small massage with your hands, and try to warm her. When separating, you can look into her eyes, smile genuinely and, if the situation is fitting, kiss her. 2) Females: Extend your arms toward him and hold them around his neck and shoulders. Lean as close as possible and press your torso against his. In situations of extreme intimacy, interlocking your leg in his is appropriate. Avoid holding your arms below his shoulders and/or embracing strongly and tensely.
3. Don't hug too tightly. The best way to judge how tight or loose to hug is to let whomever your hugging tell you by how hard they squeeze. If they are soft, be soft back; if they like bear hugs and squeeze tightly, do the exact same back (but don't suffocate him/her).
4. Don't be the first to let go. If someone hugs you, they may want a long, loving hug (maybe they are upset or down), so just go along with it and hug them until they let you go. A hug is a great thing and lots of people like them, as they can feel great and greatly improve your mood. However, if both of you have read this, neither of you will let go and you will be forced to continue hugging indefinitely, or simply appear rude. Perhaps you should get someone to pull the two of you apart after several moments.

What Do You Really Need?

I spoke with a friend who just started a new job she doesn’t like. She really wants to start her own business doing something she’s very good at and enjoys. It’s not a matter of figuring out what it may be, she already knows and has done it in the past.

During our conversation, she wanted to get into the "story" of how the woman who is supposed to train her doesn’t want to teach her anything. My response was, "That makes sense…because you don’t want to learn it. Let go of how she behaves. It’s just a part of the fact you’re not where you want to be or doing what you want to do."

Then she started telling me about how she’s a certain age and what happens to people when they reach a certain age. I stopped her mid-comment and said, "What about instead of stating why your age is involved, you say that you choose to do the work you prefer? How does that feel?" She did get that instead of justifying why she doesn’t want a regular job she’s allowed to say she has a different vision and intention for her life.

We discussed the ad she used years ago that triggered 21 potential clients to call her in 2 days. She was concerned the ad wasn’t good enough. I said, "What if the ad not only ignites the same response, but people see your ad and get excited to see you’re back in business?"

We went back and forth for a while; and though she continued to shift her energy into a positive direction, old patterns of behavior kept creeping in which is something that happens to all of us. And she started to express the concerns many people have about getting everything perfect and aligned before she got started. I asked if her pen and paper were still handy since she’d been taking notes and asked her to write down the following quote from Mike Litman:

"You don’t have to get it right you just have to get it going."

She laughed out loud when I said it. No matter how much planning we do to start a business or project of any size, we’re going to have to adjust and tweak as we go along. And, that’s an ongoing process if we do our business well. We also talked about the fact that "can’t" is a dirty word whereas "won’t" may be accurate.

Another excellent quote I gave her is from Kurt Wright: "Commitment is a magnet." If she’s as committed to doing this business as she says she is, she’ll attract the right people, right jobs, and right ideas. That’s simply how the Law of Attraction works. If she says it can’t happen or it’s difficult, she’ll get that, as well.

What we really need in regard to any area of our lives is the attitude, focus, vision, appreciation, feeling, commitment, and passion to make it happen. And, it helps if we choose to enjoy the ride.

Thinking positively can lead to optimism

Thinking positively can lead to optimism!

The trick is to catch yourself in the act of being pessimistic and change your thinking. This might not come easily, but it's very doable. One way we can train our brain to start thinking more positively is through affirmations.

Affirmations are positive phrases we say to ourselves. Phrases like, "I can become an optimist," for a relevant example, are affirmations. Here are a few more examples:

• No matter what happens, I can bounce back.
• I am a strong, competent person.
• I am beautiful.
• People love me.
• I do excellent work.
• I am successful.
• Everyone has setbacks and I can overcome them.
• If I work hard, I'll get good grades.
• I love myself.

Repeating phrases such as these to ourselves can actually have an impact. You'll find that if you practice affirming with optimistic, confident phrases, your brain will start building new neural pathways. These pathways will start to lend themselves towards positive, rather than negative, thoughts.

Smooth talker

How to keep a conversation going

If dating profiles are anything to go by, 'good conversation' is something we rate highly in an ideal mate. So how do you turn stilted small talk into a proper conversation?

Starting a conversation with a member of the opposite sex can be a nerve-wracking experience. Once you've broken the ice, you need to keep the dialogue going, which for some people is ... wait for it ... easier said than done.

If friendly banter is something you struggle with, never fear. Our pointers will help you polish your conversation skills in no time.

Anatomy of a conversation

We've all had a conversation that hasn't exactly gone as we'd have liked. But we can learn from our mistakes. In order to improve your conversation skills, you need to revisit an embarrassing or awkward conversation from your past.

If you had your time again, what would you change? Your tone of voice? The words you used? Keep these things in mind. They are your conversational weaknesses and it is these things you need to work on in order to get your conversation skills up to scratch.