What Do You Really Need?

I spoke with a friend who just started a new job she doesn’t like. She really wants to start her own business doing something she’s very good at and enjoys. It’s not a matter of figuring out what it may be, she already knows and has done it in the past.

During our conversation, she wanted to get into the "story" of how the woman who is supposed to train her doesn’t want to teach her anything. My response was, "That makes sense…because you don’t want to learn it. Let go of how she behaves. It’s just a part of the fact you’re not where you want to be or doing what you want to do."

Then she started telling me about how she’s a certain age and what happens to people when they reach a certain age. I stopped her mid-comment and said, "What about instead of stating why your age is involved, you say that you choose to do the work you prefer? How does that feel?" She did get that instead of justifying why she doesn’t want a regular job she’s allowed to say she has a different vision and intention for her life.

We discussed the ad she used years ago that triggered 21 potential clients to call her in 2 days. She was concerned the ad wasn’t good enough. I said, "What if the ad not only ignites the same response, but people see your ad and get excited to see you’re back in business?"

We went back and forth for a while; and though she continued to shift her energy into a positive direction, old patterns of behavior kept creeping in which is something that happens to all of us. And she started to express the concerns many people have about getting everything perfect and aligned before she got started. I asked if her pen and paper were still handy since she’d been taking notes and asked her to write down the following quote from Mike Litman:

"You don’t have to get it right you just have to get it going."

She laughed out loud when I said it. No matter how much planning we do to start a business or project of any size, we’re going to have to adjust and tweak as we go along. And, that’s an ongoing process if we do our business well. We also talked about the fact that "can’t" is a dirty word whereas "won’t" may be accurate.

Another excellent quote I gave her is from Kurt Wright: "Commitment is a magnet." If she’s as committed to doing this business as she says she is, she’ll attract the right people, right jobs, and right ideas. That’s simply how the Law of Attraction works. If she says it can’t happen or it’s difficult, she’ll get that, as well.

What we really need in regard to any area of our lives is the attitude, focus, vision, appreciation, feeling, commitment, and passion to make it happen. And, it helps if we choose to enjoy the ride.

Thinking positively can lead to optimism

Thinking positively can lead to optimism!

The trick is to catch yourself in the act of being pessimistic and change your thinking. This might not come easily, but it's very doable. One way we can train our brain to start thinking more positively is through affirmations.

Affirmations are positive phrases we say to ourselves. Phrases like, "I can become an optimist," for a relevant example, are affirmations. Here are a few more examples:

• No matter what happens, I can bounce back.
• I am a strong, competent person.
• I am beautiful.
• People love me.
• I do excellent work.
• I am successful.
• Everyone has setbacks and I can overcome them.
• If I work hard, I'll get good grades.
• I love myself.

Repeating phrases such as these to ourselves can actually have an impact. You'll find that if you practice affirming with optimistic, confident phrases, your brain will start building new neural pathways. These pathways will start to lend themselves towards positive, rather than negative, thoughts.

IMPRESSION REPETITION ASSOCIATION

(What do they look like) (Repeat their names 5 times) (what do they do)
1. Try to exercise a little sympathy, tolerance and kindness; it goes a lot further than a short fuse.
2. Learn the difference between appreciation and flattery; one is from the heart, the other is from the teeth.
3. Accept the fact that everyone is superior to you in one way or another, and learn from that trait.
4. When not engaged in some definite problem-solving, most people think of themselves 95% of the time. If we could cut it to 50%, the results
would be dramatic.
5. Why should people be interested in you and me, unless we are first interested in them?
6. We are all interested in what we want; be a little different, be interested in what the other person wants and needs (get the other person’s point of view and see things from his angle as well as your own. (Be interested in helping others, not only yourself.)
7. Try to do things without ulterior motives.
8. If we do things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness, we will make many friends.
9. The ability to listen is rarer than almost any other trait. (Listen and learn.)
10. This is an old one- "do unto others as you would have them do unto you; we all know who wrote that one.
11. Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.
12. When dealing with people, use little phrases like, "I’m sorry to trouble you", "would you be so kind as to", "Won’t you please", "Would you mind", "Thank you", they are the hallmark of good breeding.
13. Be wiser than other people if you can, but not tell them so.

A Positive Attitude

FRIENDSHIP IS NOT FREE; IT MUST BE EARNED!

We should try to do these things better:
1. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
2. Talk in the interest ranges of the things that people
treasure most when talking to them.
3. Talk to people about themselves and recognize
their importance.
4. Respect other people’s good judgment and avoid
arguments.
5. Never tell anyone they are wrong, we all will
rationalize to the point of thinking we are
unequivocally right.
6. We should criticize ourselves before other people
have a chance to; if you are wrong, admit it!
7. Tread softly, you will go farther.
8. We should try to let our friends feel as though they
have excelled us at some time or another.
9. Let others do a great deal more of the talking.
10. Figure out why others think as they do; look at it
from their viewpoint.
11. Show compassion to others (this is yearned for).
12. Treat people with respect, dignity, honesty, truth-
fulness and willingness; they will generally
emulate those feelings.
13. Challenge others to do something better, never force them.
14. Call attention to mistakes indirectly (don’t broadcast).
15. Make difficulties seem easy to conquer.
16. Praise minutest improvements; and inspire hidden treasures in others.
17. Be friendly.
18. Force yourself to smile! (you will.)
19. Consider other’s good points.
20. Make others want to follow your suggestions.
21. Always appreciate people’s time.
22. Be interested in everyone you meet.
23. Always remember, good manners are made up of petty sacrifices.
24. Remember names; a person’s name is truly the most treasured phrase to that person’s ears. Use the I.R.A principles to help remember name:
25. Try saying this three (3) times, "Act enthusiastic and you’ll be enthusiastic", it works.
26. Perfect yourself first, then worry about everyone else.

Ways to Learn to Love Yourself

Loving myself isn't something I'm very good at. It takes hard work to look in the mirror and like what I see. It's difficult for me to enjoy who I am. Low self esteem has been something I've struggled with all my life. I have, however, found ways to combat it. I'd like to share these with you in hopes that it will not only enrich your lives, but it might help me a little in turn.

Make lists

Make a list of things about yourself you like. I know this is difficult at first, but it's imperative to identify the things about yourself you like. Here's an example list:

I like myself because...

* I am caring.
* I am kind.
* I am hardworking.
* I like cats.
* I'm passionate about things.
* I'm capable of loving deeply.
* I have cute hair.
* I have pretty eyes.
* I'm a good writer.

Again, this isn't easy at first. I recommend starting with lists of things you like. For example, I like cats, reading, walking, the color pink, etc. If you really like the things you write down, those things make up parts of your personality. You can like yourself just for liking those things, just like you might like someone else for having similar likes.