Hug, Hug Me Do

Why do women want to be hugged? Now there’s a real puzzler.

For such a simple gesture, hugging sure does need a lot of demystifyin’. And while men often wonder about one aspect in particular - why on EARTH hugs are so important to women - these same women, ever conscious of the unidirectional nature of their need, prefer to examine it in every. single. possible. way.

How to ask a boy for a hug (hold out your arms, and if he asks what you’re doing, reply: “I want a hug!”*), and how to do that without embarrassing yourself (hint: get a wing man).

Their knowledge extends to boyfriends (How do you get your boyfriend to hug you? Stand there with a really cute look on your face, like you’re expecting something from him… If he doesn’t hug you, cry. If he still doesn’t hug you, dump him) and husbands (How do I hug my husband? Start with a beer and just let him know you’re there); the shy (How do you give a real loving hug if you’re shy? Start slow) and the passionate (How do you hug passionately? Really mean it when you hug).

(* If he doesn’t ask, assume he thinks you’re impersonating Superman. Escape the ensuing awkward moment by telling him you’re practicing for the upcoming comic books convention. And then try to escape that awkward moment.)

Part 2: Hug protocol

Hugs are harmless, right? A gentle expression of support or comfort or affection. So are they always appropriate? The Wise Ones say… it depends.

For instance, what does it mean when a 30-year-old woman hugs a 14-year-old boy a lot, and should it be happening? (unless she’s family, probably not). Should you hug a guy after you’ve broken up with him and it’s time for him to move out? (sure. You’ve spent a part of your life together with good memories and it’s a tough decision to make; you will surely miss each other).

Even if the hug is appropriate, the logistics might not be (chuckle chuckle…). If you’re, say, 5 feet tall and the person you’re hugging is 5′8″, where do you put your arms?

The protocol is strangely silent about the ideal way to hug a guy around his friends and what to do if a girl sees her boyfriend hugging another girl and gets mad. Maybe you have some ideas of your own.

Part 3: Five things you always wanted to know about hugging

1. How can you avoid makeup stains? Use a translucent powder to set foundation; it will help keep it from coming off on white shirts during a hug.
2. Why do dogs jump at people when they hug? The dog’s jealous. Make it a group hug.
3. Why do people rub or pat your back when they hug you? Since you asked… they rub because they care, and they pat because they’re uncomfortable.
4. Can you become pregnant if you hug a guy? Yes, but it would be a coincidence. In other words, not because you hugged him. In other words… no way. But you knew that.
5. When is Hug Day? January 21. But hugs are great 24/7/365.

What Do You Really Need?

I spoke with a friend who just started a new job she doesn’t like. She really wants to start her own business doing something she’s very good at and enjoys. It’s not a matter of figuring out what it may be, she already knows and has done it in the past.

During our conversation, she wanted to get into the "story" of how the woman who is supposed to train her doesn’t want to teach her anything. My response was, "That makes sense…because you don’t want to learn it. Let go of how she behaves. It’s just a part of the fact you’re not where you want to be or doing what you want to do."

Then she started telling me about how she’s a certain age and what happens to people when they reach a certain age. I stopped her mid-comment and said, "What about instead of stating why your age is involved, you say that you choose to do the work you prefer? How does that feel?" She did get that instead of justifying why she doesn’t want a regular job she’s allowed to say she has a different vision and intention for her life.

We discussed the ad she used years ago that triggered 21 potential clients to call her in 2 days. She was concerned the ad wasn’t good enough. I said, "What if the ad not only ignites the same response, but people see your ad and get excited to see you’re back in business?"

We went back and forth for a while; and though she continued to shift her energy into a positive direction, old patterns of behavior kept creeping in which is something that happens to all of us. And she started to express the concerns many people have about getting everything perfect and aligned before she got started. I asked if her pen and paper were still handy since she’d been taking notes and asked her to write down the following quote from Mike Litman:

"You don’t have to get it right you just have to get it going."

She laughed out loud when I said it. No matter how much planning we do to start a business or project of any size, we’re going to have to adjust and tweak as we go along. And, that’s an ongoing process if we do our business well. We also talked about the fact that "can’t" is a dirty word whereas "won’t" may be accurate.

Another excellent quote I gave her is from Kurt Wright: "Commitment is a magnet." If she’s as committed to doing this business as she says she is, she’ll attract the right people, right jobs, and right ideas. That’s simply how the Law of Attraction works. If she says it can’t happen or it’s difficult, she’ll get that, as well.

What we really need in regard to any area of our lives is the attitude, focus, vision, appreciation, feeling, commitment, and passion to make it happen. And, it helps if we choose to enjoy the ride.